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~*~ June 15, 2019 ~*~

Such a simple way to express gratitude yet to me, it feels like an understatement. I gained a new follower tonight. For most it would seem like nothing but for me it was so much more. I joined WP in 2012 and it wasn’t until 2 years later that I jotted my first blog thoughts, then life happened as it tends to do and I forgot all about it. 

Seeing that I had a new follower I logged into my still active yet dormant blog and it was as though the air that I have been desperately trying to breathe had filled my once empty lungs. Not giving myself time to write meant I had given up a huge chunk of who I am, I love to write. So thank you anonymous follower for waking me up. With that being said I will give you the summarized update on my m@Dn3$$ that I call life.

~*~ June 30, 2014 ~*~ 

Just 5 short months after my initial entry I lost my mom. She was more than just my mom, she was my best friend in every sense of the true definition. I hadn’t realized then the impact she had on my life. I went to her for guidance and advice even on things that most would classify as mundane. On bad days I would call her multiple times just so I could hear the sound of her voice. I truly didn’t know how to live without her. She was only 55 and I wasn’t ready to let go yet.

After losing her I decided to do right by her and enroll in college, she always wanted to see me graduate college and walking across the stage for my diploma definitely was bitter sweet for me. It still feels like yesterday when I received the dreaded call and looking back at the few pictures I have of her hurt even more because I was always the one behind the camera.

~*~ June 10, 2016 ~*~

I was on top of the world, or so I thought. I was a college graduate, I just bought myself a brand new car and I was in a loving relationship for the first time ever. I thought, this is it, my life is finally starting. 

~*~ January 3, 2019 ~*~

Life works in mysterious ways and I am no stranger to the cruel hand of fate. It was this day that my long term boyfriend of almost 4 years decided, our life together wasn’t what he wanted anymore. I was devastated, even though I had felt it coming on for months prior, but I was hoping we would get through it. It still didn’t stop my heart from feeling as though it was disintegrating, as though a ‘thanos snap’ was done. I know at my age and after all I have experienced in life this seems very infantile and I should know better. But when your heart falls into that dangerous place of thinking someone is “the one” only to find out they aren’t, it still hurts…

Life begins at 40

There is a cheesy movie that was made in the early nineties that is one of my favorites. The lead character is quoted as saying “life begins at 40” and for some reason it always stuck with me over the decades. Seeing as how I am just a few years shy of that I am using it as motivation to finally create the life I’ve always wanted, even if I am single. 

So here’s to all of you out there and to myself as well. Here’s to hoping one day we finally have the life we all deserve (if we’re not there yet). 

Until my next entry, cheers

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