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Archive for April, 2014

~*~ I’m just me ~*~

~*~ About ~*~

Hello world, it’s nice to meet you. I am just one person in the vast 7+ billion world population. I don’t stand out in any way. I’m not an author nor a professional blogger by any stretch of the imagination. I’m just sitting in a house, logged on to the internet and I am finally going to stand on my virtual soapbox and take a peek at the word press world. So who am I exactly? Well there are a thousand different ways to answer that, because each person is unique in their own way. For starters my member name is countrybunny but you may call me CB for short. Why the anonymity you ask, well I’m not ready at the moment to reveal myself to the world but in time that might change. I am real, my emotions are like a hurricane and my mind is like a labyrinth. This is my M@dN3$$ welcome to it.

~*~ January 02, 2012 ~*~

This is the first day I officially joined word press. I so desperately had so much to say but didn’t know who to trust or where to turn. I had felt all alone and insignificant in this enormous world. I wanted to log on here and vent everything and anything that was weighing on my mind but chose not to. You see, even though it was 2012, my emotions were still raw from the unraveling of my marriage in 2010. I was bitter at my ex, bitter at the world and angry with myself for letting my unhappiness drag on for so many years. I would be angry at the naivety of my younger years. You know the years where you felt the world was yours for the taking and you could be anything you set your mind to. Instead of spending my younger years conquering the world, I married, had a child and compulsively moved more often than most army wives, due to my ex husbands mismanagement of finances…. Fast forward 10 years and I am 28, hopelessly unhappy and separating from my husband of seven years. I (for the life of me) could not get a grip on my life and could not move past the hurt of my ex husband’s infidelity.

~*~ February 14, 2014 ~*~

       While a good portion of the world was out celebrating their love I found myself yet again boarding an evening bus bound for home. This will be the 18th time in 15 years that I have moved. Most people crave spontaneity to spice up their mundane and routine riddled lives. Coming from someone who hasn’t had a stable life since the age of 17, you don’t know how lucky you are. My life has never been perfect, not by a long shot, but for one fleeting moment it seemed things were finally starting to look up for me. That was until Dec. 2013 when my mom’s mysterious health problems finally had an official diagnosis…. Stage 4 lung cancer, I left two days later to see her and within a month I was on my way back home.

~*~ And now? ~*~

Now is a tiny three letter word that is powerful enough to cause the equivalent of a homemade bomb on my life. I’ve had countless times in my life where I come home from work to the sight of packing boxes and my ex husband saying we need to leave now. I even woke up one time when I was living with roommates only to be told I had to leave now, meaning pack what I can carry and start walking down the street. Trying to schlep my belongings down the street as the realization of my being homeless started to sink in, I knew my life had hit rock bottom. I made temporary arrangements and left for home a week later. Before, trying to get a handle on my life was like trying to grip sand, basically impossible. These days I am learning to hold out my hand and let life’s events unfold naturally, no use in fighting it sometimes.

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